Troubleshooting 4 Parents

Want some parenting wisdom?  Join Ronda Evans for a once-a-month parenting support group where Ronda will share effective parenting strategies!  The group meets the first Wednesday of the month at the Hut from 6:30-8:00 PM. February 6th is the first night!  Both moms and dads are invited.  There is child care for children ages 3 - sixth grade if the children REGISTER for Awana.  There is no book required for the adults, but a pen and paper would be really helpful!

Guest Posts - Making Memories with Children by Val Childs

When Penny asked me to post a blog about being a mom several weeks ago, I asked my girls to answer a couple of questions for me.  One of the questions I asked them was if they knew another family that they wished they had been born into instead of ours - dodged a bullet there - they both said no.  But when I asked them what they liked best about being in our family I didn't get the answers I expected.  It wasn't that I was a great mom or Robin was a great dad.  It wasn't that we live in a great place or that we went on some neat vacations.  It wasn't even that we had family meetings and voted on things.  (Although, when reminded, they did think that was cool.)

The things the girls found most important to my grown girls is that we have family traditions that have been passed down from their grandparents.  These traditions encompass nearly every holiday of the year.  Rules about holidays are not to be broken lightly.  And, most important tothem was that our family was known to their friends as a giving and generous family.  Funny, we didn't know that.

What I learned about holiday rules are you have to make them in the positive.  The girls can tell you all the holiday rules except Halloween.  I have a personal issue with this holiday, you can ask me about it sometime, so our rule was that we didn't celebrate it.  We did different things every year.  I always took the girls out of school for the day and we did something special - but the girls can't remember this holiday rule because I always stated it in what we DIDN'T DO.  The things you learn when you get old!

The kids say one of the biggest reasons their friends thought we were generious was because we always let them have soda at our house, or taking them to Burger King.  You just never know the perspective a child has - the things you learn when you get old!

When my children were small I spent every minute I could trying to make memories for them.  Now they are grown and those memories I made with them are some of the best memories of MY life.  Who knows how those memories will stack up in their book of memories;  but I know both of my girls treasure making memories - it is a value I believe I have taught well. 

A Parent's Self-Examination

Pastor Mike preached an excellent series from God’s Word called ‘Walker to Walker’. Over the past couple weeks he has focused on the parenting years, which reminds me…I recently received an e-mail from one of my four brothers.  He said, “I used to know a lot about parenting…of course that was before I had children.  Now it’s all by trial and error, mostly error.” 

Don’t we all feel that way as parents sometimes?  The nurture, care and responsibility to raise children in this time and culture is certainly not a job for the faint of heart.  As I listen to the joys and challenges other parents face, and as I am a fellow struggler in the parenting years, I have concluded that God allows us to be parents that we might understand His heart in a deeper way. 

Before we were blessed with our youngest daughter, we lived in a big elegant Victorian home.  I remember an artist friend questioning why in the world I would want to have children.  She said, “but you have such a nice life!”.  It’s funny what people sometimes value – isn’t it?  I would give up that “nice life” over and over again for the joy my daughter has brought me.  No material possession even compares to the privilege of being a parent.     

God created the universe.  In some ways, we could say that before He created Adam and Eve, God “had a nice life.”  There was eternal oneness, unity and fellowship between Father, Son, and Holy Spirit (John 1:1).  God made a pristine, beautiful world (Genesis 1:1-25)…and this section of Scripture ends with “And God saw that it was good.”  The Psalm 103 speaks about angels that sing God’s praises, and Psalm 104 describes God as being “clothed with splendor and majesty” – being all-powerful as He set the heavens and earth into place.  It would seem that God really did “have a nice life”, yet He desired children.  It was God’s desire to be a Heavenly Father to many.  He above all others could forsee the obstacles and heart aches that parenting can bring.  But He still chose to create us, love us, send a Savior for us, and embrace us as the objects of His lavish affection. 

When parenting is difficult and even heart rendering, I am reminded of what God goes through as He lovingly parents us.  As older adults we can identify with the turmoil our children go through growing up, because we were there once.  As Pastor Mike says, “we were never their age in this age” which is so true, but certainly our hearts can remember just how hard it is to grow up. Sometimes – the mind games and temptations that can battle in a young person’s soul are fierce.  As believers we know with every fiber of our being that if our children took strides in their spiritual lives, it would make their road so much better.  We long for them to embrace their spiritual heritage, to fall in love with God’s Word, to place high value on Christian friends and fellowship, and to come to understand, by personal experience, the wonder and power of prayer.  We long for our children to know these things by their own experience. 

Then, with the shoe on the other foot I ponder, now how does the Heavenly Father long for me, as His child, to grow and understand His truth in a deeper way?  Do I take the time often enough to recall my spiritual heritage, and to appreciate those who have made God’s Word come alive to me at different points in my life?  How am I doing in the area of delighting in God’s Word as being “sweeter than honey to my mouth” (Psalm119:103)?  Do I place enough value on Christian friendship – not just visiting and having fun together (even though that is important), am I having true fellowship with my Christian brothers and sisters and sharing the deep things of the faith?  Do I understand how much I need the support of my Church family to be strong in this world?  Do I daily participate in more than superficial prayer?  When is the last time I cried over my sin, or danced before the Lord in joy and thanksgiving?  

As we long for our children to mature spiritually, I am reminded that we need to show them how to grow not only in word, but by example.  God loved us enough to send His Son to live and walk among us and show us “how it’s done.”   

Lord, thank you for privilege of being a parent and for the opportunity to know your heart better.  May we learn to treasure our children, as you treasure each one of us. 

Motherhood

Mother’s Day is not in the Bible, but we often celebrate this holiday within the context of the church.  What is it that makes a good mother?  Is it how their kids turn out?  You know a good cook by the way turns out.  Is it the same?  Well, there was one perfect parent – and His kids didn’t fare all that well.  In fact, by the second generation there was a murder.  So, what’s the mark of a good mother? 

Certainly there are God-given attributes built into a mother’s heart.  She nurtures, protects and sacrifices for her child(ren).  It’s an amazing transformation that takes place – the forming of a “mother’s heart.”  I remember a particular moment when my child was about two weeks old.  The experts have a lot to say about “bonding” but I can tell you without reservation that I was bonded to my adopted child before her birth.  When she finally born, it was love at first sight.  One midnight feeding found me in a rocking chair out in our kitchen (it was the only room heated by a wood stove).  It had been two solid weeks of barely sleeping, diaper changes, crying and feeding, and the inevitable worries that a new mother carries.  As I tried to comfort my fussy infant and fed her a bottle, she burped up a bit.  Then her diaper started to leak, and there we are all a mess with sour milk and a wet nightgown thinking, “I love this baby, I love this baby, I would do anything in the world for this baby, I would even die for this baby.”  There is nothing quite like a mother’s love.   

So what has God given mothers that fills a unique place in the world – something that is worthy of honor?  Actually, it’s the same attributes that God gives to all women.  The fact that most women have children simply enhances these good attributes.  In Shepherding the Heart of Women, Beverly White Hislop tells us, “The female temperament “lends itself to nurturance, caring, sensitivity, tenderness and compassion.”  In a nutshell, women are life-bearers and nurtures.  These attributes compliment the great masculine qualities God has given to the men in our lives and together in God’s good plan, we are designed to be a team to parent children.

I came from a family of six children.  Yes, I was the baby (and yes, I act like it).  My mother usually won the “most children award” on Mother’s Day in our little church.  We always gave her breakfast in bed.  Mother’s Day was happy. 

However, I have three aunts with motherhood stories that are more painful in nature.  One aunt gave her first born up for adoption at age two.  The next aunt had one child, a baby boy.  He was still born.  She never had another child.  The third aunt and her husband had one son – their joy and delight, Jerry.  In 1959 in the small Texas town where they lived, this teenager went to the local A & W Rootbeer drive in with his car, of which he was proud.  A guy, in the parking lot hit his car.  Jerry jumped out and said, “you are going to have to pay for that!” And the man took out a gun and shot him and killed him.  Just like that. 

Now did these women, who had their mother’s hearts completely broken continue to be “life bearers and nurtures”?  Well, in the physical sense, two of them did not give birth to anymore children – but they continued to help bear life for others.  One of these aunts would pick up my mother, brother and I every Tuesday evening and deliver day-old bakery goods from her husband’s catering truck to some relatives who were barely making ends meet.  This aunt continued to help other mother’s bear life and nurture their children.   

The aunt that gave up her child for adoption did that loving act – allowing her child to be raised by a wonderful couple who could shower the child with love and attention that the birth mother could not give.  This same aunt was the one who took me to Calvary Chapel in Costa Mesa when I was a teenager so I could hear preaching from Chuck Smith and Greg Laurie, among others.  This aunt helped breathe spiritual life into me and nurtured my young faith. 

The third aunt who lost her only son continued to help nurture other children and make life more bearable for them and their parents.  She took in a college age girl when things were tense in the young woman’s home and loved and affirmed her through a difficult year.  Life bearers and nurtures.  

So on Mother’s Day, first we honor God who created this beautiful diversity in making men and women very different – but very complete in each other.  We recognize that God ordained marriage and created the precious gift of motherhood.  We honor mothers, especially Christian mothers who work hard to raise their children to be good responsible adults.  We honor the torch bearers of Christ to the next generation.  And, we honor womanhood and the special attributes God has given women to be life-bearers and nurtures.   

And what makes a good mother?  Proverbs 31:30-31 says it so well: “Charm is deceitful and beauty is vain, but a woman who fears the Lord, she shall be praised. Give her the product of her hands, and let her works praise her in the gates.”